It’s 11:43pm on Thursday night, February 16th and I finally worked up enough ‘guts’ to write down the events of August 10, 2009, the most horrific day of my life. Until today I got sick just by the thought of it. But somehow I managed writing one and a half pages. It is tough, tougher than I thought it would be. Since that August Summer day two and a half years have past and God has been restoring my life. He has restored my life, my destiny and above all He has truly shown me that He loves me. He has given me an amazing God fearing husband whom I love and with whom I will conquer uncharted territory with the direction and grace of my Heavenly Father.
Yet, my past is just that, my past. I am not looking back to dwell on the bad moments or have a pity party. I am looking back to see what God has brought me out of. It is amazing! I have no clue how I’ve made it through those dark hours and how I’ve made the choices I’ve made in the middle of what was a true life and death situation. How come that until this day I don’t regret one decision I made during the last 48 hours of my late husband’s life? How is that possible? ONLY GOD!
I remember one dreary morning in the Spring of 2009. I received a call from one of the pastors asking me what Corey and I wanted. I broke in tears, I was weak, tired and so many things were going through my mind that I couldn’t tell the bottom from the top and vice versa. I didn’t have an answer. All I remember from the remainder of that conversation is Pastor Chris telling me: “Tanja, follow peace! Jesus is ultimate peace and as long as you follow peace, you follow Jesus.” Wow! And that’s what I did. In the middle of my utter weakness, my run down nerves and emotions God was strong and came through for me as I followed peace.
I am not ready to share the details of the events between 2006 and 2009 yet but what I do want to share and what I know in the deepest part of my heart is this: Jesus brings ONLY good! He is the author and finisher of our faith. His word is true and once spoken and applied it is powerful and sharper than any two edged sword, it shots up the enemy, marks territory and does not return void. I know that no matter what happens Jesus is there, holding my hand. He will never leave me, nor forsake me. And the unknown to me of what’s ahead is no surprise to him. The destiny of my life and yours is in His hands. Follow him! Follow peace and you will surely live a life full of purpose, love and victory, no matter how hard the road might be.